Can I Be Forgiven If I Can't Forgive?
Part 2 of the "Questions" message series
9 “Pray, then, in this way: ‘Our Father, who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. 10 Your kingdom come. Your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. 11 Give us this day our daily bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil.’ 14 For if you forgive other people for their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive other people, then your Father will not forgive your offenses. – Matthew 6:9-15 (NASB)
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned.” – Luke 6:37 (NASB)
The BIG Idea:
The Bible says that Jesus forgives us, but are we really forgiven if we cannot forgive our enemies? Harboring unforgiveness in our hearts can adversely affect our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. Holding grudges may cause us to do foolish things that impact countless others! Offering forgiveness to someone who has hurt us is a choice we make to let go of our resentment and the desire to enact revenge on that person because of the forgiveness we have received from God.
The Question – “If I choose not to forgive another person, does that mean that I am not forgiven?”
There is a clear correlation between receiving forgiveness from God and giving forgiveness to others.
The Most Common Reasons People Choose Not to Forgive: (Emery Counseling, 2018)
The extent to which we are willing to forgive those who sin against us is, in turn, the extent to which God is willing to forgive us.
Any unforgiveness we hold onto becomes a root of bitterness from which a tree may spring up to cause trouble and lead others away from a connection with the Lord.
See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many become defiled. – Hebrews 12:15 (NASB)
According to the Mayo Clinic, if we continue to hold a grudge and harbor unforgiveness from past painful events; we might carry the anger and bitterness into future relationships, struggle to enjoy the present moments, and experience feelings of anxiety and depression (“Forgiveness: Letting Go of Grudges and Bitterness,” Mayo Clinic, November 22, 2022)
Unforgiveness is also associated with “higher incidences of stress, heart disease, high blood pressure, lowered immune response, anxiety, depression, and other health issues” (Maria Reyes, “The Dark Side of Unforgiveness,” Seattle Christian Counseling, accessed June 16, 2023)
If we struggle with extending forgiveness to an enemy or someone who has hurt us; remember forgiveness is a choice that we make and a spiritual discipline that we must exercise.
GRUDGE: “Harboring feelings of bitterness, anger or resentment towards another.”
A Grudge of Biblical Proportions: Mark 6:14-29 (Herodias held a grudge against John the Baptizer)
When we hold a grudge . . .
Forgiveness does let go of resentment and the desire to enact revenge.
Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so must you do also. – Colossians 3:13 (NASB)
When we choose to forgive, we . . .
ILLUSTRATION: Pastor Erik Fitzgerald and Matt Swatzell’s story and friendship (2006)
Questions for Reflection
Have you ever held a grudge against someone that you haven’t been able to get over or move on from?
Do you continue to bear a grudge today? If not, what was the catalyst for letting go of that resentment?
Why do we struggle to forgive someone who has previously hurt us? What are the most common reasons we may give for choosing to not forgive someone?
What is the correlation between receiving forgiveness from God and giving forgiveness to others? Why would God connect the two together in such a way?
What are some of the physical, emotional, and spiritual impacts that harboring unforgiveness has on us? Have you personally experienced any of these implications? How have they impacted you?
What steps can one take to release the anger, bitterness, and resentment toward a person to completely forgive them? Which step do you believe is the hardest in the process of forgiveness? Why do you think this?
How does demonstrating forgiveness demonstrate God’s love to the world?
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned.” – Luke 6:37 (NASB)
The BIG Idea:
The Bible says that Jesus forgives us, but are we really forgiven if we cannot forgive our enemies? Harboring unforgiveness in our hearts can adversely affect our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. Holding grudges may cause us to do foolish things that impact countless others! Offering forgiveness to someone who has hurt us is a choice we make to let go of our resentment and the desire to enact revenge on that person because of the forgiveness we have received from God.
The Question – “If I choose not to forgive another person, does that mean that I am not forgiven?”
There is a clear correlation between receiving forgiveness from God and giving forgiveness to others.
The Most Common Reasons People Choose Not to Forgive: (Emery Counseling, 2018)
- We don’t want to let the other person think that what they did was OK.
- We want them to suffer in the same way that we did (or more).
- We don’t believe the person has changed or will change, and because of that, we are not ready to trust them again.
The extent to which we are willing to forgive those who sin against us is, in turn, the extent to which God is willing to forgive us.
Any unforgiveness we hold onto becomes a root of bitterness from which a tree may spring up to cause trouble and lead others away from a connection with the Lord.
See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many become defiled. – Hebrews 12:15 (NASB)
According to the Mayo Clinic, if we continue to hold a grudge and harbor unforgiveness from past painful events; we might carry the anger and bitterness into future relationships, struggle to enjoy the present moments, and experience feelings of anxiety and depression (“Forgiveness: Letting Go of Grudges and Bitterness,” Mayo Clinic, November 22, 2022)
Unforgiveness is also associated with “higher incidences of stress, heart disease, high blood pressure, lowered immune response, anxiety, depression, and other health issues” (Maria Reyes, “The Dark Side of Unforgiveness,” Seattle Christian Counseling, accessed June 16, 2023)
If we struggle with extending forgiveness to an enemy or someone who has hurt us; remember forgiveness is a choice that we make and a spiritual discipline that we must exercise.
GRUDGE: “Harboring feelings of bitterness, anger or resentment towards another.”
A Grudge of Biblical Proportions: Mark 6:14-29 (Herodias held a grudge against John the Baptizer)
When we hold a grudge . . .
- It dominates.
- It deprives.
- It defiles.
- It devastates.
Forgiveness does let go of resentment and the desire to enact revenge.
Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so must you do also. – Colossians 3:13 (NASB)
When we choose to forgive, we . . .
- Remember how God has forgiven us.
- Pray for the Lord’s help, wisdom, and strength in the process.
- Acknowledge the emotions and pain the other has caused us.
- Seek professional counseling if the pain leads us to an unhealthy mental or emotional state.
- Release the person completely and no longer hold bitterness toward that person.
ILLUSTRATION: Pastor Erik Fitzgerald and Matt Swatzell’s story and friendship (2006)
Questions for Reflection
Have you ever held a grudge against someone that you haven’t been able to get over or move on from?
Do you continue to bear a grudge today? If not, what was the catalyst for letting go of that resentment?
Why do we struggle to forgive someone who has previously hurt us? What are the most common reasons we may give for choosing to not forgive someone?
What is the correlation between receiving forgiveness from God and giving forgiveness to others? Why would God connect the two together in such a way?
What are some of the physical, emotional, and spiritual impacts that harboring unforgiveness has on us? Have you personally experienced any of these implications? How have they impacted you?
What steps can one take to release the anger, bitterness, and resentment toward a person to completely forgive them? Which step do you believe is the hardest in the process of forgiveness? Why do you think this?
How does demonstrating forgiveness demonstrate God’s love to the world?